Charm and Familiarity
Turning the formal into the personal — it's harder to refuse one of your own
It's harder to refuse one of your own than a stranger. The "familiarity" technique: you close the distance fast and brazenly — drop the formalities, crack matey jokes, touch a shoulder, hand out nicknames — and a formal opponent quietly becomes a "buddy." And it's awkward to refuse a buddy, to haggle with him, to be strict.
Act as though you two have been close for years — and the person falls into that frame so as not to come off as a grouch.
The Lecher charmed the vote:
Oh come on now, we're practically family! Mike, buddy, you won't let them throw me under the bus — you and me, we're two of a kind. Ladies, just look at me — is this the face you vote out? We're all one big family here, why keep score? Who's with me to keep a stand-up guy around?
An hour and a half of acquaintance served up as years of friendship. No one can bring themselves to vote against "one of their own."
- SalesA salesman who's instantly "your buddy" sells at a higher price — haggling with a friend feels rude.
- WorkFamiliarity with the boss blurs the chain of command in your favor.
- Everyday lifeWarm chumminess with an official or a doctor opens doors.
Trigger: An abrupt, unearned closing of distance: instant first-name terms, nicknames, "we're all friends here," touching — well before there's any basis for it.
Counter: "We're still on formal terms, and that's fine. Let's get down to business."
Familiarity only works if you've agreed to play "old friends."
You'll tell a stranger "no" without blinking. But me — I'm not a stranger anymore. In ten minutes I became your best mate, and now refusing me feels like betraying a friend. I don't sell. I befriend. That's worth more.
Where is familiarity used as a technique?